LOSS OF A LOVED ONE DIARY

Always Thinking Of You

I thought about you last week- but that’s nothing new. I thought about you yesterday- but how can i not? You’re so easy to think of, but so hard to live without.

I constantly think about what life would be like if you were still here. What adventure we would be planning to encounter, what show we both are binge watching, what plans you had for the holiday times, I wonder.

I constantly think about where we would be in life if you were still here. All the lessons you would be teaching me- I miss those.

I think about all the things I have accomplished so far in my life, and the things I will be doing in my future- wishing you were here to see them, I hope I make you proud.

I miss you everyday, all day. All the time. My heart hurts that you’re not here. It’s an empty feeling inside- as if your stomach constantly hurts, there’s a hole. When I think about you, I want to just cry because I want to hear your voice, hug you, talk, just have my life back- before you were taken from me, taken too soon.

They say time is supposed to heal all wounds, but it seems as though time just provides us with a band-aid that gets old and falls off more often than not.

 

Time is supposed to heal all wounds but, it seems as though time just provided me with a band-aid that gets old and falls off more often than not.

I know you’d hate it, but I still cry for you. I still sit up at night and wish that you were here. I still talk to you and ask you for advice.

I can’t help but want you here. Life has moved on but my heart and emotions haven’t. I can’t move on.

I have your picture everywhere. I think it’s because I’m afraid that one day I’ll forget your face.

God… I hope that never happens.

I don’t remember your voice anymore. I remember things you said, but it’s been so long that your voice has faded from memory.

I refuse to let you fade completely.

I won’t do that to myself. You are the memory that I cling to when things get bad. You are the hope I hold onto when things get dark.

I need you, and your memory is all I have left. So, I’ll keep it alive for you.

I will carry you in my heart wherever I go in life. I will petition God to have you as my guardian angel if that’s what it takes to keep you with me.

I know that you are up there watching me. I know you look down and keep guard over me.

I can only hope that I’m making you proud. I can only hope that I’m what you imagined I’d be in life. I can only hope that you’re smiling at me and not up there shaking your head.

I won’t hope that you miss me as much as I miss you, because missing you is painful. Missing someone is too painful for Heaven to allow inside its gates. It’s too painful for me to wish on anyone, especially you.

I love you.

And I miss you more than you’ll ever realize.

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