I miss you.
To My Angel In Heaven,
Hi. I miss you. I think I miss you more and more everyday. I thought that after a few months this feeling of emptiness would go away. I thought that this void that I feel every day would go away by now, but ugh…it hasn’t.
After one month passed, I just sat in my room looking at our old conversations on my phone, scrolling through all of our daily texts. You would send me random text messages about the weather, or how it was a boring day in general– I miss that.
I miss those times I would receive a grade on a test and right away, I would call you and you would continuously tell me how proud you were of me, and then that you loved me. I miss your voice.
I think that’s what sucks the most is your voice. I keep hearing things you say to me in my head everyday, and it drives me crazy that I can’t remember our conversation. Was I thanking you in the hospital saying that I loved you and that it’s okay to go, was I saying sorry for any time I told you you were sucky, was I just holding your hand and saying I love you and I’ll miss you– I can’t remember, and it eats me alive.
Mother’s Day passed, this was hard. Some of my closest friends didn’t even check in on me– and for that I have some sort of hatred or anger towards them. Is that okay? I usually would ask you these type of friend-drama related questions. You were the best at that. I can’t do this on my own, I simply can’t. Just a text to say I’m thinking of you would have made my day. It was a weird day, I didn’t have a card for you or flowers, or chocolate or your favorite candy. I woke up and cried. We went to visit you at the grave, and something about going to a grave on a holiday like that…I didn’t like it.
Easter passed, nothing was the same. No Easter chocolates from you, or your amazing Greek cookies that you used to bake. Another holiday passed, and you aren’t here.
Summer came along, and boy was that tough. Being home 24/7 and not seeing you was tough. I couldn’t wait to get away.
Starting the school year without you was hard. Nobody to help me go clothes shopping or wish me good luck, or just one of your hugs goodbye.
My birthday passed– this was the hardest. I thought I would be okay, and honestly, it was a great birthday. Then night time came, I got a glimpse of your photo in the picture frame on the wall, took the frame and threw it. It broke into a thousand pieces. I don’t know why that happened, i was angry, and sad.
To my angel in heaven, I hope you watch me as I succeed, and fail. I hope you’re watching over me and smiling down. When it rains I think of you most, those are sad days. But then there are the days where I tell a story about you, and I can’t stop smiling. Because that’s the type of person you were- somebody who always kept me smiling. Somebody I loved. Somebody I was proud to call my Mother.
To my angel in heaven, I miss you, never have stopped missing you, and never will.
I hope you know how much you mean to me, and how much I love you.
Your angel on earth